


Hearts Of Glass

by orphan_account



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence, Canon Universe, Dick older brother, Fluff, Fluff? Is there fluff?, M/M, Oh God I hope this isn't out of character, Sasha and Connie being idiots, Sexual Tension, Sort-of Springles, Sort-of character death, Stuff happens, There may be fluff eventually, jeanmarco
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-20
Updated: 2014-06-08
Packaged: 2018-01-25 21:38:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1663370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It begins with Jean telling a lie, and really, it's not an important one at all. Just something Jean says in the spur of the moment to get his douche-y older brother to shut the hell up. Thanks to Connie and Sasha, it spirals out of control, and Jean ends up with a bit more than he bargained for.<br/>(I apologise for my incompetence when it comes to summaries.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Of Liars and (Fake) Lovers

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!  
> This is my first fan-fiction (I'm pretty much forcing myself to post this - oh God the nerves) so please, please, review! Constructive criticism is welcome, I'm always looking for ways to improve my writing, and seeing as I never show the stuff I write to anyone there's probably quite a few improvements I could make.  
> I don't really dedicate things I write, but I'd like to credit my friend Izzy for helping me with this.  
> Anyway, enjoy!

It was late afternoon, and the sun was baking the city of Trost in it's heat. On a dusty lane, two boys were walking, dressed in the uniforms of the Trainee Squad.

"Jean, come on!" Connie Springer called as he hurried down the lane.

Jean Kirstein sighed, making no effort to catch up to his friend. "Man, I swear you want to see my family more than I do."

"Hurry up!"

With another loud sigh, Jean slowly started jogging to catch up with Connie.

"I can't wait to see your mum again!" Connie beamed as they made their way towards Jean's childhood home. "Hey, do you think she might've made those..."

Mentally tuning out, Jean let Connie prattle on, focusing on not turning right around and going back to the Trainee Squad. Sure, they were only allowed one day off to see their families every six months, but Jean would rather stay at that place the entire year than have to see his older brother. At least with Connie here, Jacques might be slightly less of a twat. He liked Connie, and they'd almost become friends in the few times Connie had visited Jean's house over the years. But with any luck, twenty-three year old Jacques might have finally moved out of the family home.

"We're here!" Connie announced, and Jean snapped out of his thoughts to realise that they had, in fact, reached the old, worn down front door of Jean's childhood home.

Before either of them could knock, however, the door was opened to reveal Jean's mother standing there, a huge smile on her face.

"Jean! Connie!" She pulled both of them into a hug, ignoring Jean's struggles to escape. "What took you so long?"

"Shadis was being a dick," Jean mumbled, at the same time Connie said "Jean was holding us up."

A flash of hurt crossed his mother's face - and that didn't make Jean feel guilty, _damn it_ \- before she replaced it with a bright smile. "Well, come in! Jacques is still here, you'll be pleased to know."

_Oh, crap._

Sure enough, Jean's poor excuse of a brother was lounging in his mother's chair like he owned the house. In the back of his mind, Jean wondered if Jacques had finally started going out to work, or if he was still using his "bad back" excuse. As usual, he had some random girl sitting on his lap, massaging his shoulders. She looked a bit like Mikasa, Jean thought appreciatively, except of course not as attractive. Jacques kissed the girl lightly, before asking her to leave and turning to the others. "Connie, my man! Jean," he greeted.

"Hey Jacques," Connie replied, sitting down.

Jean joined him, scowling at Jacques, who grinned at his brother's displeasure.

 

The family gathering was nothing special, just Ms Kirstein asking constant questions and Jean giving one-word answers. Honestly, Jean would have been perfectly fine with staying with the Trainee Squad today (he needed to practice his hand-to-hand combat unless he wanted to lose out to Yeager _again_ ), but of course Connie had wanted to drop by and see Jean's family and Jean had decided that seeing as Connie lost his own parents a couple of years ago, he really ought to indulge him.

_See, I can be nice!_

"So, Jean," Jacques smirked from the chair. "You got a girlfriend yet? Or a boyfriend, I'm not judgemental."

"I have more important things to do," Jean spoke in a clipped tone, the one that he used whenever he was graced with the unpleasant task of talking to his brother.

"Ha, yeah right!" Jacques snorted. "You're not out on the field yet, little brother! You still have plenty of time to mess around."

Jean chose not to dignify that with a response.

"Or maybe..." Jacques lowered his voice. "You just can't get one. Like that time with Lilia when you were nine. You know, when you tried to ask her out and she started laughing and made fun of you in front of everyone?"

Jean gritted his teeth as that memory rose to the surface. Yes, it was six years ago, and yes, he really ought to be over it by now. But something about the way Jacques said it...

"Poor Jean. I guess you'll always be-"

"Actually, you're wrong," Jean interrupted, ignoring every instinct which screamed at him to _stop talking!_

"Really? You're not a lonely bachelor?" Jacques asked in genuine shock. His mother and Connie were staring at him too, their mouths agape.

"No." And suddenly the words were flowing out of Jean's mouth before he could stop them. "I'm seeing Marco."

Silence echoed throughout the room, and Jean realised what he'd said. _Why the hell didn't you say Mikasa you idiot?!_ _Oh well. This is just one little lie. What does it matter? Tell Connie when you leave that it was a joke and it'll all be over. Jacques will stop bothering you, and mum will stop asking if you're lonely. Just go with it, Kirstein!_

"Marco?" His mother asked before Jean could say anything else. "That boy who came here on your last day off?"

"Hey, I didn't know about this!" Connie stated in shock. "Why didn't you tell me? Actually, you two always seemed weirdly close..."

_Damn it, he thinks you're being serious! You really should have said Mikasa, then he'd have known you were only saying it to shut Jacques up..._

"Aw, baby, I'm so happy for you!" Ms Kirstein squealed, wrapping Jean into a hug, despite his protests. "He's so nice! I bet you make a really cute couple!"

"I'll say," Connie added. "I mean, everyone thinks you're together!"

Jean almost choked. "What?!"

"Hey, I won't tell anyone," Connie reassured him. "Actually, I have to tell Sasha. We were taking bets on when you'd admit it. Ha! Now she has to give me half of that food she's hoarding!"

"Connie, wait!" Jean panicked, but Connie was already out of the door, with a hurried thank you and goodbye to Jean's family, delighted at the prospect of half of Sasha's food supply.

"Crap! Mum, let me go!" Jean struggled, trying to run after Connie.

"Not yet, Jean!" Jacques grinned, grabbing Jean's wrist. "Tell me all about this Marco."


	2. All Hail Sasha, The Overlord

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I wasn't entirely happy with how chapter one turned out, so I'm uploading chapter two already. Again, please review!

Jean finally made it back to base about an hour after he was supposed to, after being subjected to an interrogation about his "love life". He thanked whatever was up there that Shadis wasn't hanging around, or he'd have been on bathroom duty for at least a month.

He grinned as he made his way to the mess hall, hoping there might be some food left. He'd fooled Jacques: now he could just forget that it ever-

"Jean!" He turned to see Krista smiling at him, Ymir stood just behind her. "Congratulations!"

"Yeah, we were wondering when you'd finally grow a pair and-"

"Ymir," Krista hissed quietly.

"Sorry. Seriously though, half of us were taking bets on when you'd finally admit that you two were fu-"

" _Ymir!_ "

"What do you mean?" Jean asked, confusion etched into his features.

"You and Marco!" Krista smiled brightly. "I think it's really cute that you're finally being honest about it."

_What the- Oh._

Dread settled in the pit of Jean's stomach, and he felt his jaw slowly drop in horror.

"Jean?" Krista looked concerned. "Are you okay?"

He waved away her concern. "I'm fine. Thanks, by the way," he forced his expression into a polite smile, although inside he was seething. "But, you know, Marco and I-"

"Jean!" Connie called, panting as he ran over to where the three of them were stood.

"Ah, Connie," Jean's features fell into a menacing grin. "Just the person I wanted to see."

"Jean, I-"

But he was cut off by Jean stalking over and grabbing the collar of his uniform. "Connie, you are a total-"

"Jean, calm down!" Krista tugged at his shoulder.

Jean ignored her. "What the hell did you think you were doing?! You promised not to tell!" He was very aware that he sounded like a pre-teen girl, but was too pissed off to care.

"I didn't!" Connie gasped. "It was Sasha, okay? Let me go!"

Reluctantly, Jean let go of Connie, glaring at him expectantly. "Go on."

Connie explained to the three of them that he had told Sasha, without realising that Jean wasn't being serious (Krista seemed disappointed to learn that particular fact). He then added that Sasha had gotten so excited that she'd been talking to Connie about it (very loudly) when they were eating, and that everyone had overheard.

"You're basically the news around here," Connie finished.

Jean groaned, his covering his face with his hands. "Don't they have better things to talk about?" He complained. Poor Marco...

"Not really, unless the fact that humanity is probably going to be defeated by the Titans sounds like a fun, dinnertime topic for you," Ymir interjected.

"You know how it is," Krista added, her voice soft. "People like to talk about good things, seeing as there don't seem to be many of them around here."

Jean couldn't argue with that. With a sigh, he pushed past Connie and headed towards the bunk house. "Whatever. I need to find Marco."

 

Fortunately for Jean, Marco was in the bunk house.

Unfortunately, he was surrounded by a bunch of people who were asking him all kinds of questions. Even from where he was stood in the doorway, Jean could see Marco's face slowly reddening.

"Marco!" Jean called out in relief, pushing to the centre of the group and grabbing Marco's wrist. "We need to talk."

As he dragged Marco outside, Jean was pretty sure he heard a few suggestive comments, as well as a wolf-whistle (which he was pretty sure came from Reiner). Without turning to look, he flipped them the finger and slammed the door behind him.

"Jean! What's going on?" Marco asked, a bewildered expression on his face.

Jean groaned. "I'm so sorry, man. Basically..."

Jean went on to explain what had happened when he visited his family, and how Connie had told Sasha and how Sasha had told everyone.

"And I just said 'Marco' without thinking, you know, because you're my best friend. Sorry, I should have said 'Mikasa' or someone but..." Jean was rambling now, not looking up from the ground. He didn't want to know what expression was on Marco's face.

To his surprise, Marco laughed. "Jean, it's fine."

"Seriously? 'It's fine'?" Jean finally looked up, incredulous.

Marco shrugged. "I mean, it doesn't really matter, does it? They'll forget about it soon."

Jean gestured to the bunk house. "Does it _look_ like they'll forget about it soon?!"

"Well..."

"Exactly. Come on, we're going to see Sasha."

 

Jean and Marco ended up finding Sasha outside the girl's bunk house, talking to Connie.

Connie's eyes widened when he saw Jean striding towards them. "Sasha, look out!"

"Huh? Oh!" Sasha grinned when she saw Jean and Marco. "Hi boys!"

"Sasha," Jean took a deep breath, and forced his face to stop scowling. _No point getting angry again..._ "Tell everyone you were joking."

"I wasn't joking! I thought you two were actually..."

"We're not," Jean cut her off, his expression slipping back into a glare. "But thanks to you two, everyone thinks we are."

"Jean, I'm pretty sure that if you started the rumour that makes it your fault," Connie grinned cheekily.

_Count to ten. Sniff the strawberry. Blow out the candle. One... Two... Three_ _..._

"Also, it's not our fault that you two practically act like you're together anyway." Sasha added.

_Four... Five... Six..._

"I mean, are you really that surprised that..."

Jean closed his eyes, clenching his jaw. _Seven... Eight... Nine..._

"Sasha, Connie, please," Marco said, glancing worriedly at Jean. "Just tell them it was a misunderstanding."

"Fine," Sasha agreed, throwing her arms up. "But you know... You two should really just admit your love to each other."

Jean never got to ten. His eyes flew open and Marco had to hold him back from practically leaping on Sasha, who was laughing as she dragged Connie away into the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay for Marco and Springles!


	3. Things Get Awkward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Here's chapter three.

"Jean, would you get a cloth from the cupboard?" Sasha called across the mess hall. It was their turn to clean it, and after almost an hour of Sasha and Connie messing around, Jean was ready to go to bed for the night and never talk to them again.

"Sure, whatever," he replied, just wanting the day to be over with already.

However, when he tried to open the cupboard, it was locked. "Connie, where did you put the key?" Jean called, as he looked around his end of the mess hall.

A noise from the inside of the cupboard almost scared the shit out of him. "What the hell?!"

"Hmph," A very muffled voice replied from inside the cupboard.

In the confusion, Jean did not notice Sasha and Connie glance at each other with grins and wide eyes. Neither did he notice Connie pull the key from his pocket, unlock the door...

...And shove Jean inside the small cupboard, locking the door behind him.

"Connie?" Jean yelled, straightening up and banging on the door. "Let me out!"

His only reply was the faint sound of Sasha and Connie laughing, and the door to the mess hall slamming.

"Hmph..?"

Jean almost - _almost_ \- shrieked in shock. Somewhere in between Connie shoving him in the cupboard and the door being locked, Jean had forgotten about the voice inside the cupboard. He blinked as his eyes slowly adjusted to the dark, just enough to make out a figure huddled right in the back of the cupboard. " _...Marco?_ "

"Hmph!" Jean saw the flash of those familiar brown eyes in the darkness.

"What the hell, man..." Jean trailed off, seeing the ropes around his friend. "They tied you up? _Seriously?_ " He had to hold back a snort. "Wow..."

When Marco didn't respond, Jean walked the very short distance and untied his best friend with a sigh. "I'm guessing it was Sasha and Connie?"

"Yeah," Marco replied, removing the cloth around his mouth. "Sorry, but you have a questionable taste in friends."

"How did they get you, anyway? And how long have you been in here?"

"They knocked me out," Marco groaned, rubbing his head, where even in the darkness Jean could see a bandage on Marco's forehead. "And about an hour? I don't know." He smiled up at Jean, knowingly. "I suppose Sasha was serious about the 'admitting our love to each other' thing. Why else would they do this?"

"Shut up," Jean mumbled, looking away. "Let's just get out of here, okay?"

Marco nodded, standing up, and suddenly Jean realised how awkwardly _tight_ this cupboard actually was. If either of them moved so much as an inch, they'd end up elbowing one another. As it was, Jean ended up with several painful ribs as he jostled with the door.

"Ow, do you mind?" He complained as Marco's elbow managed to catch him in the ribs for the ninth time.

"Sorry! I can't move back any further," Marco apologised, pressing back against the wall as much as he could without knocking a bunch of cleaning supplies onto both of their heads.

Jean sighed, falling back against the door, opposite to Marco. "It's not going to budge." Taking a deep breath, he got ready to shout, but Marco clapped a hand over his mouth.

"What?" Jean asked, raising his eyebrows. "Do you _want_ to stay stuck in here?"

"It's not that - what if Shadis hears you?" Marco whispered, as if Shadis was in fact waiting right outside the door.

"Well, _Freckles,_ do you have a better plan?"

"Maybe we should just wait," Marco suggested. "They have to let us out eventually, right?"

 

*

 

"..."

Jean made an odd noise that was a mixture of a sigh, a groan, and a yawn, stretching his arms above his head from where he had slumped against the wall. "D-did we seriously sleep in here?"

"Yes."

 _Oh_ _shit,_ Jean realised in dread. _That's not Marco..._

Slowly, he cracked his eyes open, slowly turning his head to look up at the shadow that was standing in the now-open doorway, blocking the light that should've been entering the small cupboard.

Keith Shadis stood there, his expression the kind of calm that reminded Jean of a delayed cannon about to fire. Stood up straight by the opposite wall, Marco was trembling ever-so-slightly.

"So," Shadis began, his voice deceptively calm. "You thought this would be a nice place to sleep for the night?"

"N-no Sir," Marco replied, glancing nervously past at the faces of the other trainees who were eating breakfast in the mess hall, all wearing expressions of amusement, fear, worry, or anticipation.

"DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A FUCKING BED TO YOU, BOTT? KIRSTEIN, GET UP!" Ah. There was the cannon.

Jean scrambled to his feet, hoping that Shadis wouldn't head-butt him again.

"NOW LISTEN HERE, YOU MAGGOTS! IF YOU BOTH ENJOY SOLITARY, CONFINED PLACES, THEN I'M SURE YOU WON'T OBJECT TO CLEANING THE BATHROOM STALLS EVERY NIGHT!"

"Sir, Co-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO AND GET READY, UNLESS YOU BOTH WANT TO RUN TEN EXTRA LAPS EACH!"

 

*

 

It didn't often rain, but when it did, it was heavy and unpleasant. Jean wiped the rain (and his sweat) out of his eyes, as he tried to keep up with Mikasa and Eren at the front.

"Hey. Hey, Jean."

Jean glanced over to see Connie grinning at him, scowled, and ran faster. "I am _not_ in the mood to talk to you right now," he panted, his mood further worsened because Connie didn't even seem to be out of breath, the little shit. He was _not_ going to lose to Connie during laps, damn it.

"Look, I'm sorry about earlier, okay? It was Sasha's idea, not mine."

Jean rolled his eyes. "Blaming it on Sasha now? Stay classy, Connie."

"It was, honestly!" Connie protested. Suddenly, his eyes narrowed and gleamed, and before Jean had time to react, Connie was pushing him to the side, yelling "But you'll thank me for this!"

Jean did most definitely _not_ let out a high-pitched yell as he fell towards the ground, knocking into someone on the way, and managing to land directly on top of them in a not-so-innocent position, as his luck would have it. Sure enough, Connie had pushed him into Marco, who was currently lying on the ground, his face slightly red (Jean assumed it was from running).

"CONNIE!" Jean yelled, at the same time Marco muttered something about Shadis. Jean would later wish that he had opted to listen to Marco, rather than verbally abusing Connie, because moments later Shadis had cantered over on his horse and yelled something about staying in the cupboard next time they couldn't keep their hands off each other, which made Marco blush furiously and Jean try to pretend that he wasn't blushing himself.

 

*

 

_Scrub. Scrub._

Jean glared at the floor as he scrubbed it clean, cursing Connie and Sasha under his breath. He had five stalls to clean, and after an hour he was still on the first one. How they managed to get so dirty, Jean didn't know. Marco, of course, was already on his third stall, the little goodie-goodie.

_Seriously, Jean? Goodie-goodie? What are you, six?_

"Hey, Jean?" Marco called from a few stalls down.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think that maybe we should just... Play along with it?" Marco asked hesitantly. "We're only going to end up in more situations like this if we don't."

To his surprise, Jean wasn't bothered by the idea. Yes, it would hurt his chances with Mikasa, but it wasn't as if he had any in the first place. And if it would get Sasha and Connie to leave them alone...

"I don't know," he replied. "If we do, they'll just be trying to get us to kiss or something."

"..."

"Marco..?"

"If it's just one..." Marco's voice was very quiet now. "Then it couldn't hurt, could it?"

_Oh._

"...Just clean the stalls, Marco."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As usual, please review, and thanks for reading!


	4. Open Doors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if any of you are reading my other fic, but as I stated in the notes for that, I'm going away tomorrow so this will be my last update for a short while. Enjoy!

**_Dear Jean,_ **

**_How are you, honey? We haven't heard from you in a while and we hope you're okay. How's training going? When is your next day off?_ **

**_Not a lot's been going on around here - Jacques hasn't moved out yet, and I'm the same as usual, of course - working in the corn field, missing you, all of that._ **

**_How's Marco, by the way?_ **

**_Love, Mum._ **

 

*

 

**_Mum,_ **

**_I'm fine, and I've been really busy recently so I haven't had time to write. Sorry. Training's going the same as usual, and I don't know yet. Shadis hasn't said anything._ **

**_Tell that lazy ~~bastard~~ jerk to get off his arse and do something useful for once._ **

**_Marco's fine._ **

**_Jean._ **

 

Marco sighed dramatically as he looked over Jean's shoulder at the letter his friend was writing. "So friendly."

Jean glared at him, folding the letter and shoving it into an envelope. "Shut up!"

"Aren't you going to tell her about graduation tonight?" Marco asked curiously.

"Nah, I'll wait until it's over. Then I can tell her which place I came in the top ten." Jean didn't notice Marco's fond smile as the freckled boy carefully placed his own letter inside an envelope to send to his own family, placing it on the desk in the mail room. "Hey, Marco?"

"Yes, Jean?"

"Were you being serious?" Jean asked, his voice uncharacteristically quiet and thoughtful. "About wanting to join the Military Police to serve the King?"

"Yes, it's something I've always wanted to do," Marco replied earnestly. "Why?"

Jean shook his head, giving a short laugh as if he couldn't comprehend the situation. "You're a much better person than I am, Marco."

 

*

 

 _I can't believe Yeager got a higher score than I did,_ Jean thought sourly as he slipped into his bed that night. Even though he'd graduated sixth, giving him a clear pathway to joining the Military Police and living a safe life inside the interior, Jean was still sore over losing to Eren. _Even though Marco graduated seventh, so we get to join together..._

"Jean?" Marco asked, making Jean wonder if the phrase "speak of the devil and the devil shall appear" also applied to thinking of the devil.

"What is it?"

"You look really angry. Aren't you happy? You graduated in the top ten!"

"I'm fine." _Stop being ridiculous, Jean. What does it matter anyway? You still came in the top ten, you don't get to complain. Think of poor Armin._

Armin, however, who was chatting happily with Eren, didn't appear to be at all bothered by the fact that due to his limited physical abilities, he had barely managed to graduate. In fact, he just seemed grateful to have passed at all.

With a shrug, Marco climbed into the bed next to Jean's, as Bertolt flicked the lights out. "Well, I'm glad," he whispered, as the noise in the room was slowly diminishing to hushed chattering only. "We both came in the top ten, and we can join the Military Police together! It's like a dream come true!"

Jean had to refrain from rolling his eyes. "Marco, calm down. Let's just sleep, okay?"

"Okay," Marco mumbled, and Jean realised for the first time how tired his friend sounded. "Goodnight, Jean."

"Night," Jean replied groggily, before slipping into a deep sleep. It had been a long day, after all.

 

*

 

Of course, the fact that they would all be leaving later that day didn't stop Sasha and Connie from messing with them. For one thing, Jean woke up to find himself wrapped in a warm pair of arms, pressed against someone's chest. It took him all of half a second to figure out that a) the person he was currently wrapped around like a scarf was Marco, and b) Connie had somehow managed to push Jean into his friend's bed.

Dislodging himself was no easy task, and Jean didn't want to make things awkward again. After all, after Marco mentioned the kissing thing, it had been weird between them for a day or so (which was mostly thanks to Jean). When he had managed to untangle himself, Jean then proceeded to yell at Connie, which woke up Marco (who was then bombarded by suggestive comments, mostly from Connie although Reiner threw a couple in as well).

After that, there had been breakfast, during which Sasha had not-so-gracefully knocked Jean into Marco, which had ended in painful headaches and dropped food (and Shadis shouting loudly).

Because of this, Jean had been glad when Shadis sent Jean and Marco to deliver the mail to the Trost Postal Service, even though it was quite a long walk, and the sun was practically baking the earth.

"Connie and Sasha really need to stop," Jean grumbled as he slung one bag full of letters over his shoulder. "They're driving me crazy!" However, Jean had to admit to himself that this wasn't entirely true - a small part of him (and it _was_ a small part, he told himself sternly) had enjoyed waking up to his friend's embrace. There was something... Homely about it that he'd never known before. _Still_ , he told himself, _it will fade soon. It's just a weird thing due to all the excitement, right?_

Marco hummed vaguely, not wanting to say anything offensive as he picked up his own bag.

Jean decided to change the subject. "Have you heard what everyone's saying now about wanting to join the Survey Corps? You'd think Yeager had started a revolution or something."

"Well, I can see why it's appealing," Marco replied thoughtfully.  "I mean, challenging the Titans and so on. The Survey Corps are heroes."

"Do you have deep, sincere admiration for everybody?"

"Not everybody. I just respect everyone."

Jean nodded, silently agreeing. In truth, he had always looked up to the Survey Corps too. But he still thought they were crazy. _Why go out there, knowing you're probably going to die, when you could just live a comfortable life in the interior?_

And so they walked, not talking about anything in particular. They had all the time in the world to talk. They had the rest of their lives - which, considering they were joining the Military Police, would probably be a lot longer than most people's. He would get to spend his own, personal forever with Marco: and he was happy about that in an entirely platonic, friendly way, he told himself. It's not as if he had anything against same-sex couples, in fact Jean himself was bisexual, but he didn't want to ruin this friendship. So they would spend the rest of their lives together, just talking.

That was why, when Marco turned to Jean with a serious expression in those deep, dark eyes, Jean was surprised at the intensity.

"Marco?" Jean asked, slightly worried as he had never seen his friend look like this before.

"Jean," Marco took a deep breath. "I've been meaning to tell you this for ages. It's really important. I wanted to tell you before, but..."

"Spit it out," Jean urged, trying to stop Marco from rambling.

"Jean, it's not the kind of thing I can just say..." All of a sudden, Marco looked close to tears. "You'll hate me if I tell you. I-I'm disgusted in myself."

"I could never hate you," the words surprised Jean even as he spoke them. He looked back up at Marco, who was smiling slightly through the pain on his face. "Tell me."

"See the thing is... I... I'm-"

Marco was cut off by the loud ringing of the emergency bell, echoing throughout Trost. They turned to each other, their jaws dropping, fear, worry, panic and shock flashing across their faces.

"Is that..?"

"The emergency alarm," Jean confirmed. "Titans have attacked!"

Without speaking another word, the boys both turned and ran as fast as they could back towards the trainee camp, kicking up dust. The bags of letters lay forgotten behind them.


	5. Broken Glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I'm back a couple of days early because my brother had an important thing to go to, so I'm writing this earlier than was planned.

Trost was in absolute chaos. Soldiers ran to and forth, shouting and screaming. Various instructors stood upon stands, trying desperately to issue out commands over the noise of the village, whilst graduates shouted frantically, trying to break away and escape Trost.

Jean and Marco made their way to where a commander was yelling instructions out to whomever would listen.

 _Seriously? This can't be happening..._ Jean thought in a panic. _Why now? Why today..?_

In a hurry, he went to join the rest of the squad on the rooftops, fighting and killing the Titans.

 

*

 

Flashes. Flashes of memory were all that Jean could recall.

It's not as if that was a bad thing. After all, who would want to remember the screaming, the blood, that awful tearing noise when a Titan ripped that girl in half-

No. Jean was quite content with the memory block that his brain had helpfully provided.

However, some moments remained clear in his mind.

_"Don't shrug it off, I'm serious! We're alive because of you, like I said, you'd make a great leader!" Marco called as they ran along the rooftops together, running towards the headquarters._

_Jean had smiled, before he remembered their current situation. "Easy with that crap, we're not out of this yet!" He couldn't allow himself to dwell on the feeling those words gave him, not when there were lives at stake..._

 

_"He did it! Eren blocked the hole!" Connie had exclaimed in excitement, practically jumping up and down with joy as he and Sasha ran towards Jean._

_"I know! Now we just have to take care of the rest of them!" Jean replied, looking around at the few Titans who remained. "Come on!"_

_And together, the three of them had taken off into the skies, moving as fast as they could, determined to get the battle of Trost over with._

 

*

 

Two days after the battle, Jean and Bertolt were sitting in the infirmary, helping to tend to the wounded, as were many of the former cadets.

"It's terrible," Bertolt's voice was so quiet that Jean barely heard him. "So many... So many lives were lost..."

Jean cleaned the deep gash on an unconscious Garrison member's arm as gently as he could. "With great victory comes great sacrifice," he replied, remembering the saying his mother once taught him. It had meant so little at the time - they'd been playing a game of some sort, and Jean had only been very young. But all of a sudden, it seemed significant.

Bertolt nodded thoughtfully. "Are you still going to join the Military Police, Jean?"

"Yeah. Eren might be all about heroics but I'm not. What about you?"

"I don't know anymore... I was considering joining the Survey Corps. Hey, have you seen Marco around recently?"

"No." It was true that Jean hadn't seen his friend since before the battle, but he wasn't worried. He'd barely seen anyone since the battle, seeing as they were all so busy trying to sort out the bodies and tend to the wounded. "He's probably on the streets or something? Why?"

Bertolt smiled softly. "I thought you'd know where he is, seeing as you're together now, apparently."

Jean groaned. "Oh, not you too..."

"Kirstein! Hoover!" A member of the Garrison appeared around the corner of the makeshift hospital. "You're needed out on the streets."

Jean groaned again. "Great. We're on corpse duty."

"Hoover, you're going with Braun and Leonhart," the Garrison member instructed, pointing to where Reiner and Annie were stood a few feet away. "Kirstein... Go on your own. There's an officer somewhere around here who can take down any names." He handed a white cloth to both of them, and they tied it around the lower part of their faces.

 

*

 

Two hours later, Jean still hadn't found anyone he recognised.

 _Thank you,_ he thought to whatever the hell was up there. Maybe he wasn't really worried about Marco, but he still didn't dare to think about how awful it would be if he found him...

...Dead.

Time stood still.

_No... No, it can't be... That's impossible. He graduated seventh out of everyone, he's way too skilled to be..._

Pain rushed through his chest like a long, sharp knife. It might even have hurt less if that's what it actually was. _Please, no..._

"Is... Is that... Marco?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a lovely coming-home surprise for you!  
> (I'm so sorry...)


	6. Letters To A Dead Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I might end up making this eight chapters...

**_Hey Marco,_ **

**_I can't believe it's been two weeks already. It feels like so much longer._ _They say there are five stages of grieving. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance. The denial phase didn't last as long as I expected it to. Neither did the anger or bargaining ones. It's the depression stage that I'm in now. I wonder if the acceptance will ever come._ **

**_I might not look that depressed, but I know I am. Everyone else knows it too. I see the looks they give me, as if they're waiting for me to burst into tears at any moment. Yeah, like that will ever happen. I'm not crying over you just yet, Marco._**

**_I didn't join the Military Police, either. But you probably already know that, from your little cloud in heaven, because of course that's where you are. I didn't even believe in heaven until you... Died. But save a spot for me if I ever get lucky enough to go there, okay? I joined the Survey Corps, so I'll probably be dying a lot sooner than I planned to._ **

**_Jean._ **

 

*

 

**_Hey Marco,_ **

**_It kind of sucks without you here. Why did you have to leave? Seriously, Eren only gets more annoying when you're not here to stop me from punching him._**

**_I hope you can see these letters. It's a strange little ritual I have. I write them, and then I rip them to shreds and throw them in the nearest river._ **

**_Armin says it would be more practical to burn them, but I don't really like the sight of fire anymore. I wonder if you can read them. I know it's pathetic, but this is just another part of my routine now. Even if this is only the second letter._ **

**_Jean._ **

 

*

 

 _**Hey Marco** _ **_,_ **

**_I miss you. There, I said it. And I won't be saying it again, so enjoy it before I tear this letter to pieces._ ** **_I've still not reached the acceptance stage, and it's been three weeks now. Funny, when my dad died I reached the acceptance stage in about ten days. But then again, you're not my dad. He was an asshole._ **

**_Did you ever hear that saying "you don't know what you've got until it's gone"? Suddenly, it makes a lot of sense to me now._ **

**_Jean._ **

 

*

 

**_Hey Marco,_ **

**_How did you go, Marco? Did it hurt? Did you know you were going to die before it happened? Did you suffer? Are you okay up there?_ **

**_All those questions I'll never know the answer to. I didn't realise how I really felt about you whilst you were still here. Sasha and Connie did. I should have listened to them. They were right after all. Not that I'll ever admit that to their faces._**

**_If I'd known it would end this way, I swear I would've told you. Even if I didn't realise it myself, I would've found a way. Because I regret it so much that you died never knowing how I really felt about you, even if you only felt the same way in the hopeless part of the back of my mind._ **

**_I wonder what you were going to tell me that day._ **

**_There's another question I'll never know the answer to._ **

**_Jean._ **

 

*

 

**_Hey Marco,_ **

**_I'm not going to lie, I'm kind of dreading the day when the acceptance stage comes. I know how idiotic that is. You'd tell me so if you could. I should be looking forward to escaping the depression, but I'm not. It's stupid, but I don't want to accept that you're gone. I want you to come back. I want to wake up tomorrow and for all of this to have been a dream. I want to wake up to another day with you._ **

**_We were supposed to join the Military Police together, spend the rest of our lives together. That'll never happen now. You moron, why did you have to leave?_**

**_Why did you have to leave me here alone?_ **

**_Jean._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review!


	7. Dawn and Dusk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter seven, enjoy!

"Jean?" Armin's hesitant voice called from the other side of the boy's dorms. "Are you still writing?"

Jean snapped the notebook in which he had been writing his "letters" in shut. "Not anymore. Are we leaving already?"

Armin nodded. "Eren's been asking where you've been. Come on," he gestured, walking towards the door. "Levi's going to get mad if you're not ready. This is-"

"A really important mission, yeah, I know," Jean finished Armin's sentence with a sigh. "Let's just go already."

Outside the dorm, Mikasa was waiting. A few months ago, Jean might have jumped at the chance to have a real conversation with her, but he couldn't bring himself to care anymore. Instead, he just offered her a brief nod, before hurrying ahead of her and Armin as they began to speak in hushed tones.

It wasn't as if Jean was unable to function normally without Marco around. It was more that he didn't care much about functioning anymore. Even though he knew it was stupid, in a way, he blamed himself for Marco's death. _If only I'd stayed with him..._

Jean's thought process was interrupted when he reached the main hall of the Survey Corps' headquarters. Levi was stood on a box, ordering everyone around for the mission that was soon to follow, whilst Erwin Smith was running over the plans again.

"As you should all know," Erwin stated. "One of our scouts never returned back from their mission. Unfortunately, this is a common occurrence, and whilst we mourn our fallen comrade, they were carrying some important information about the Titans. We have to go out there and find it. Hanji believes that the information should be in a small, brown leather notebook. It is crucial that we retrieve this. Now, you're all going to be split into groups of two, and each pair will have a certain area to search..."

Jean mentally tuned out for the rest of Erwin's speech, although he did hear that he and Reiner would be searching together.

_Well, at least he probably won't bother to ask me how I am._

 

*

 

As it turned out, Jean was wrong.

"How are you, man?" Reiner asked as soon as the pair of them were out of earshot.

"I'm fine," Jean replied shortly. Honestly, he'd been asked the same question so many times, did anybody honestly think that he'd change his answer all of a sudden?

"Really? I know you've been taking it pretty hard-"

" _I'm fine_ _!_ " Jean replied, albeit more snappishly than he'd meant to.

Reiner shrugged. "If you say so."

The two continued to ride to their chosen area, just north of the forest, their eyes searching the ground all the way.

Suddenly, Jean's horse started twitching oddly.

"Hey! Stop it!" Jean panicked, as if that would do anything. Truthfully, he'd always been a little bit freaked out by horses. As long as they did what they were supposed to do, he was fine, but the moment something odd happened...

"She's spooked," Reiner called, bringing his own horse to a halt. "Maybe we should just wait for a moment..."

"Shh! Can you hear that?!" Jean hissed, concentrating on the distant noise that he could barely hear. _Boom boom boom boom. Heading in our direction. That sounds like..._

"Titans!" Jean realised, his eyes widening in panic. "We can't defeat them with just the two of us. We need to get out of here."

"No, they're a long way away yet," Reiner disagreed, pointing to a far-away hill where three Titans were just about visible. "We have at least another five minutes before we really need to turn back, maybe even ten."

Jean gritted his teeth, but he knew that it had to be done.

They searched in a hurry for the notebook, but were unable to find anything. The Titans were getting closer each second...

Jean was about to tell Reiner that they really needed to go when two familiar faces, both on horseback, galloped around the forest and towards Jean and Reiner.

"Bertolt! Annie!" Reiner grinned. "Did you guys find anything?"

Annie almost smirked, bringing her horse to a halt. "You can drop the act now, Reiner."

Reiner shrugged easily. "Whatever."

Bertolt turned to Jean, a worried look on his face. "Does he..?"

"Nope," Reiner shook his head.

"What?" Jean frowned. "Would you guys stop messing around? We need to go!"

"Too late for that," Annie replied. "You're not going anywhere."

What happened next, Jean didn't want to remember. It all happened in a blur - suddenly, three Titans were upon them, but they completely ignored Reiner, Bertolt and Annie, instead going straight for Jean. He shouted and tried to gallop away, but there was nothing to latch his 3D Manoeuvre Gear on to, other than the Titans, but seeing as there were three of them he decided that if he did that, he'd almost certainly die.

He headed straight for the forest, hoping that this would be one of the few parts where the trees were too thick and too strong for the Titans to get through. He forced his poor, tired horse to move faster, darting through and around copses of trees in the hope of outrunning the Titans.

The good news? He did manage to outrun them.

The bad news? A bigger, stronger-looking Titan was stood right in front of him.

The worse news? Said Titan had swiped Jean off of his horse, and was now holding Jean's struggling body in a tight grip.

 _Oh God no I'm going to die it's hopeless I can't escape I'm really going to die,_ Jean thought in a rush.

And, as they say happens, his life flashed before his eyes. His mother, cradling him as a toddler. Jacques play-fighting with him, at least until Jacques shoved Jean into a muddy puddle and ran away. The last time Jean ever saw his father, before his dad was transferred to Shiganshina with the Garrison and was killed during the breach of Wall Maria. His first day at the Trainee branch, getting yelled at by Shadis. Meeting his best friend...

 _Marco,_ Jean thought, smiling slightly as he closed his eyes, accepting his fate. _I'm coming to see you, buddy. I hope you remembered to save that spot for me in heaven._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know that Annie actually joined the Military Police, but this is a canon-divergence fic and I kind of needed her with the Survey Corps.  
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed chapter seven! Only one more left now...


	8. Bright Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here it is! The last chapter...  
> Sorry, I know that Jean's thoughts are voiced a lot in this. If I write another fic, I'll probably do it in first person, as I write better that way.  
> I say this in the notes at the end of the chapter anyway, but thank you so much for everything!

Jean's vision swam, the small clearing he was laying in blurring before settling into focus. He sat up, groaning and holding his head as if it would stop the pain.

 _What? How am I here?_ Jean wondered. He guessed that he'd somehow hit his head and fallen unconscious, but surely he should be dead...

 _Maybe I am dead. Well, if this is heaven, it sure is a let-down,_ Jean thought as he looked around the forest. But a brief glance around gave no hint to his location, and he couldn't even see the fields where he'd been with Annie, Bertolt and Reiner before the Titans attacked.

Jean's eyes narrowed at the thought of those traitors. _If I'm not dead, I'll kill them myself!_ He told himself, ignoring the stab of pain when he thought about the Annie, Bertolt and Reiner that he had known back when they were trainees. _What_ _happened?_

But now was no time to debate the trio's morals. He'd worry about that later. Right now he had to focus on finding his way back, seeing as he definitely didn't seem dead. Struggling to his feet, Jean took in his surroundings.

Unfortunately, he appeared to be surrounded completely by trees, with no indication as to where the edge of the forest was. No doubt about it, he was lost.

 _I'll just walk then. How hard can it be? I can't be that far from the edge,_ he thought to himself, ignoring the pain in his head and forcing himself to move.

However, before he could really go anywhere, Jean heard an awfully familiar noise in the otherwise complete silence of the forest.

 _Crash, crash._ The sound of huge footsteps, moving towards him through the trees-

"Shit!" Jean cursed out loud. _A_ _Titan! Dammit, can't you leave me alone for five minutes?!_

He attempted to use his 3D Manoeuver Gear, but it was too badly damaged to use, having been pretty much crushed when that Titan from before grabbed hold of him. Instead, he ran to the nearest tree, scrambling up it as fast as he could, and pressing flat against the trunk. _Maybe if I just stay still, it won't notice me..._

A Titan of the 15 metre class appeared, stepping into the clearing easily. That was odd by itself - Titans usually ran, and this one appeared to have a proper wariness of it's surroundings. In fact... It actually seemed intelligent.

Jean gulped. A Titan by itself was hard enough to fight, but an intelligent one? _I'll just have to stay here and hope it goes away. There's no way I can fight it, especially with my gear broken._

The Titan looked around, as if searching for something. With a jolt, Jean recognised it as the one that had caught him earlier. _I can't let it see me!_ As quietly as he could, he edged further around the tree, as concealed as he could get without losing sight of the Titan.

The creature frowned, almost looking disappointed, and turned as if to leave. Jean moved carefully, keeping it in his sights.

Not carefully enough. His foot slipped, and with a shocked yell, Jean fell gracelessly from the branches, narrowly avoiding hitting his head on the tree trunk as he hit the ground.

 _Shit!_ Jean's entire body was in pain, but he couldn't think about that now. The Titan had turned to look at him, it's unnaturally bright eyes glowing as they settled on Jean.

Jean tensed up, jumping to his feet and drawing his bent blades. He might have been ready to accept death before, but that was only because he'd been taken by surprise with (what seemed at the time) clearly no way of escape. _I won't go down without a fight!_

However, this Titan didn't seem particularly interested in a fight. It just looked at him, and then turned and walked out of the clearing, hiding behind a tree.

 _What the fuck?!_ Jean knew that he should take this opportunity and run, but something inside him wouldn't let him leave.

Smoke appeared from behind the tree, puffing through the trees and into the sky. Still, Jean didn't move, even though the sensible part of his brain was screaming at him to run away.

The silence was broken again, also by footsteps. However, these ones definitely didn't belong to a Titan.

Jean readied his blades. _Annie, Reiner, or Bertolt? Which ever one of you it is, I'll kill you right now!_

But the figure that appeared wasn't Annie, or Reiner, or Bertolt. It was...

"Marco?" Jean gasped in shock and disbelief.

Marco nodded, smiling sadly. "Hello, Jean."

"I must be dead," Jean decided. "You can't be here. You... You..."

"You're not dead," Marco told him. "And neither am I."

"But how? I saw..." Jean was at a loss for words, his brain forgetting how to function.

Marco almost looked as if he wanted to cry. "Listen, Jean... There's no easy way to say this, but... I'm a Titan shifter. If, you know, you hadn't already got that," he laughed awkwardly, and not as if he found it funny. "Annie and Reiner and Bertolt and I..."

Suddenly, Jean remembered how to form sentences again. "You're working with those traitors?!" He gasped in disbelief, betrayal evident in his voice. "No, please, tell me this is some kind of sick joke! You can't be one of them!"

"Jean, I..."

"You are, aren't you?" Fury was welling up in Jean's gut. "I trusted you! Out of everyone, you were the only one I really believed would always be one of the good guys! I don't fucking believe this!" He roared, glaring at Marco who was looking an awful mixture of depressed and guilty. Jean had gotten angry at a lot of people before, but he never thought that he'd get so furious at his best friend.

"Wait, Jean, please give me a chance to explain!"

Jean was seething, his hands shaking so badly that he almost dropped his blades. "I... I have to kill traitors." He couldn't believe the words even as he spoke them. Could he do it? Could he really kill Marco.

"I'm not a traitor! Not anymore," Marco moved forward, reaching out as if to touch Jean, but then seemed to think better of it. "I haven't been working with them in months. Ever since Trost, I've been hiding out here, trying to save people from them."

Jean couldn't believe what he was hearing. "...What?"

"It's true, I swear!" Marco held his hands up as if surrendering. "I won't lie to you. At the start, I was working with them. But not anymore. I abandoned them after Trost, I'd been meaning to do it for ages..."

"But why?" Jean rasped. "Why fake your death?"

"It was the easiest way to escape them," Marco admitted. "I'm so sorry, Jean..."

"I thought you were dead," Jean wasn't looking at Marco anymore. He spoke the words quietly, as if talking to himself. "You let me think that you'd died. Do you even know how that felt?"

"I'm so sorry," Marco repeated, staring at the ground as if he'd found something interesting there. "I can't ever apologise enough. Nothing I can say can make up for what I've put you through. But if it means anything..." Marco quickly disappeared behind the tree again, and when he returned, he held a small brown notebook. "I believe this might be what you're looking for?" He handed it to Jean, who held it carefully. "I'm sorry - I couldn't save the scout. But I did manage to get that."

Jean nodded, placing the tiny notebook inside the breast pocket of his jacket. "On... On the day you 'died', you'd been about to tell me something," Jean remembered. "Was this it? That you were a Titan shifter?"

Marco nodded. "I'm sorry, Jean."

"Whatever." Jean's voice was hard. "It doesn't matter now. What's done is done."

 _Why did it have to turn out like this?_ Although he tried hard not to let it, sometimes Jean's imagination would run away with him. And during his early days in the Survey Corps, it would run away to wild dreams, where Marco wasn't dead and they'd meet again. But those reunions never turned out this way. In his imagination, they'd be so happy and Jean might even tell Marco how he felt, and they'd rejoice until Jean was reminded of the harsh reality that Marco was dead.

Except that _wasn't_ a reality. He wasn't dead at all. But this reunion was far from happy.

"Just... Tell me one thing," Jean spoke, looking his old friend in the eye. "Why did you ditch the other traitors?"

Marco's eyes widened. "Oh, no, please don't make me tell you," he pleaded, desperation in his voice. "It'll ruin everything we ever had."

Jean frowned. "More than you being a Titan shifter will?" He was being kind of cruel and he knew it, but he couldn't help his curiosity. And maybe just a tiny, angry part of him wanted to hurt his friend the way Marco had hurt him.

"Jean, please-"

"You owe me, Marco."

"I..." Marco turned away and gazed into the distance, as if determined not to look at Jean. "It's because I love you," he said softly, still staring as far into the distance as the forest would allow.

Jean's jaw dropped, and he found himself unable to speak.

"I told you, didn't I?" Marco whispered. "It'll ruin everything. If I hadn't completely lost your friendship already, then I have now."

Jean was getting angry again, but in a different way this time. Did Marco really think that Jean would be so disgusted by that that he'd ditch their valuable friendship?

When Jean still didn't speak, Marco sighed, his breath shaky. "I'll leave you alone now, Jean. I really am sorry... For everything." He turned and began to walk away.

_No._

Before he'd even registered what he was doing, Jean had grabbed hold of Marco's wrist, pulling him (none too gently) to face him, before pulling his friend to him and kissing him deeply.

_What. Am. I. Doing?_

Marco seemed frozen in shock at first, but after a moment he gently wound his arms around Jean's waist, kissing back.

After what could have been half an hour but felt like seconds, Jean pulled away.

"I haven't forgiven you just yet," he warned, although it didn't sound particularly serious as he punctuated it by kissing Marco's nose. "But I'm not letting you leave here thinking I hate you. Because... I love you too."

Marco looked so happy that it actually made Jean feel fuzzy. _Fuzzy? Seriously?_ When he didn't say anything, Jean continued.

"But what are you going to do now?" Jean asked. "I mean, you can't live in these woods forever. Maybe you can still go and join the Military Police or something."

Marco shook his head. "I don't want to do that anymore."

"Seriously? But all you ever talked about was serving the King! I was beginning to think you were in love with him or something."

Marco rolled his eyes, ignoring the jibe. "Don't get me wrong, I still want to do it, but..." He laughed awkwardly and rubbed his neck. "I'd rather join the Survey Corps. Partly because I want to stay with you."

"...That was so lame."

"Oh, thanks!"

They laughed, and started to head back together. Yes, they still had their problems to get through, and no, not everything was perfect, but Marco was alive and they were together, and in that moment, that was all that mattered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End!
> 
> Thank you all for sticking with this story, especially as it's my first fic, so you've had to put up with me trying to figure out how to write it properly - I don't really write fics, so it's a bit shaky. But thanks for reading, commenting, bookmarking and... Kudosing? (According to autocorrect, that isn't a word, but who cares?) I hope you enjoyed it, and that I can write more stuff for you guys in the future!

**Author's Note:**

> So, there it is! The first chapter of my first fan-fiction. I'll be updating pretty regularly (unless you all hate it) as I have it all planned.  
> Please let me know what you thought! I know there was a lot of dialogue in this chapter but I wanted to get this part out of the way. The story improves after this chapter - I just had to get this bit over with.


End file.
